Thursday, May 8, 2008

Christian One-liners

My son Colby sent this to me and I thought I should share:

Many folks want to serve God, But only as advisors.


It is easier to preach ten sermons
Than it is to live one.


The good Lord didn't create anything
Without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.


When you get to your wit's end,
You'll find God lives there.


People are funny; they want the front
Of the bus, the middle of the road, and
The back of the church.


Opportunity may knock once, but temptation
Bangs on your front door forever.


Quit griping about your church;
If it was perfect, you couldn't belong.


If the church wants a better pastor,
It only needs to pray for the one it has.

*+*+* +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

God Himself does not propose to judge
A man until he is dead. So why should you?


Some minds are like concrete-
Thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.


Peace starts with a smile.


I don't know why some people
Change churches; what difference does

It make which one you stay home from?


A lot of church members who are singing

'Standing on the Promises'

Are just sitting on the premises.


We were called to be witnesses,

Not lawyers or judges.

Be ye fishers of men. You catch Them -

He'll clean them.


Coincidence is when God

Chooses to remain anonymous.


Don't put a question mark

Where God put a period.


Don't wait for 6 strong men

To take you to church.


Forbidden fruits create many jams.


God doesn't call the qualified,

He qualifies the called.


God loves everyone, but

probably prefers
'fruits of the spirit' over

'religious nuts!'


God promises a safe landing,

Not a calm passage.

He who angers you, controls you!


If God is your Co-pilot - swap seats!


Don't give God instructions --

just report for duty!


The task ahead of us is never as
Great as the Power behind us.


The Will of God never takes you to
Where the Grace of God will not protect you.

We don't change the message,

The message changes us.


You can tell how big a person is

By what it takes to discourage him.


Kristopher said...

Thanks for sharing this. It certainly was fun reading.

Now, this is hardly a one-liner, but several of the entries reminded me of another Christian joke:

Squirrels had overrun three churches in town. After much prayer, the elders of the first church determined that the animals were predestined to be there. Who were they to interfere with God's will? they reasoned. Soon, the squirrels multiplied.

The elders of the second church, deciding they could not harm any of God's creatures, humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

It was only the third church that succeeded in keeping the pests away. The elders baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter. (E. T. Thompson, Reader's Digest, Apr. 2004, 115)

Anne Bradshaw said...

Some great thoughts here. And I love the squirrel story above. Thanks for sharing. I'm going to quote some in email signatures.

May I also share something good?

On my blog today, there is a gorgeous free Salt Lake Temple screen saver (220 pictures) by photographer, David Terry.

Please help yourself, and then spread the word!

Kristi said...

These were awesome. Thanks for visiting my blog. The "hershey squirts" comment CRACKED me up. Nice to know I am not the only one with a somewhat twisted sense of humor. It must be the boy thing.