Christian One-liners

My son Colby sent this to me and I thought I should share:

Many folks want to serve God, But only as advisors.

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It is easier to preach ten sermons
Than it is to live one.

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The good Lord didn't create anything
Without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

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When you get to your wit's end,
You'll find God lives there.

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People are funny; they want the front
Of the bus, the middle of the road, and
The back of the church.

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Opportunity may knock once, but temptation
Bangs on your front door forever.

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Quit griping about your church;
If it was perfect, you couldn't belong.

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If the church wants a better pastor,
It only needs to pray for the one it has.

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God Himself does not propose to judge
A man until he is dead. So why should you?

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Some minds are like concrete-
Thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

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Peace starts with a smile.

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I don't know why some people
Change churches; what difference does

It make which one you stay home from?

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A lot of church members who are singing

'Standing on the Promises'

Are just sitting on the premises.

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We were called to be witnesses,

Not lawyers or judges.

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Be ye fishers of men. You catch Them -

He'll clean them.

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Coincidence is when God

Chooses to remain anonymous.

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Don't put a question mark

Where God put a period.

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Don't wait for 6 strong men

To take you to church.

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Forbidden fruits create many jams.

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God doesn't call the qualified,

He qualifies the called.

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God loves everyone, but

probably prefers
'fruits of the spirit' over

'religious nuts!'

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God promises a safe landing,

Not a calm passage.

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He who angers you, controls you!


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If God is your Co-pilot - swap seats!



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Prayer:

Don't give God instructions --

just report for duty!

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The task ahead of us is never as
Great as the Power behind us.

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The Will of God never takes you to
Where the Grace of God will not protect you.

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We don't change the message,

The message changes us.

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You can tell how big a person is

By what it takes to discourage him.

Why We Love Our Pets

I received this via e-mail the other day, and liked it enough to post it here. Enjoy.

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?



2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.




3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!






4. Rottweiler: Make me.







5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.






6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!




7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.



8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.





9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!





10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.






11. Chihuahua : Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or 'We don't need no stinking light bulb.'






12. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?





13. Queensland Healer: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...then I will roll in the poo.






14. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.




How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?


Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is:
'How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?'
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF!


WHY GOD MADE PETS

They help out around the house...


They protect our children...








They look out for the smaller ones...




They show us how to relax...







They 'converse' with each other.





They help you when you're down...




They are great at decorating for the Holidays.






They have 'great' expectations.




They are Patriotic.







They are happy to 'test' the water.




They know who's 'BOSS.





AND - They know when we need a good LAUGH!





HAVE YO U SMILED TODAY?????
It is done by moving the corners of the mouth upward.
LET ME SHOW YOU HOW.............